Tuesday, 24 July 2007
Wondered where i've been? Colour explains it all..SAF, National Service. Enlisted 10 April 2007, ORD 09 April 2009, finished my BMT, posted to SISPEC and stuck there for now.. Spent about 4mths through mud, sand, grass, trees, forests, jungle, sweat, sun, moon, rain, bugs, guns and bullets. Every moment putting my mental, physical and spiritual strength, into various test each long day.
My physical nemesis called me..my knee and occasionally my ankle. You want to do well so much and please those close to you but yet it's not easy especially with this nemesis stalking you. Going through navigation exercises, you can't navigate your own mind. I'm trying to find my bearings in my weariness.
Push yourself to become stronger. Sometimes your mind clicks, found your motivation and you carry on. The next moment, back to square one. Climb up and down a knoll, head left and right and continue weary. Fall into a quick sand and the more you struggle, the deeper you sink.
You hope others would understand the uneasiness that it's not simply going through physical weariness but mental strains like loneliness, emptiness, fear, disappoinments and failures. It's no longer like the past where it's pure physical torture. Perhaps i am weak? Maybe i'm not fit enough to be who i'm suppose to be? Who am i suppose to be? What was i suppose to achieve? Pain is no longer like that but it comes subtle as you spend each week in and out.
Still, i have to keep the promises in my heart. Promises made by my Creator, my Helper, my Comforter, my Shield and Defender. His grace is sufficient for me. He gives all things well though i fail Him so often. He grows sad when He sees me faulter and chastens me for He loves me. Each day He takes care of me, but how often do i think of Him? How much faith and trust do i put in Him? How much of my life do i offer up to Him?
Tell me you'll still be there..
Wednesday, 14 February 2007
Have you ever wondered if you're appreciated? If people took note of the effort you made in doing something? It's human nature to inquire what others think of ourselves, or is it our own self-consciousness bugging us? If it were that people weren't aware of the effort put it or pretended to be for a while, what would our reaction be? Or our actions? Would you rather be hated for who you are or be loved for who you are not? Who we think we are, may not be who we actually are and may also not be who others think we are.
Some say "who cares what others think of us", but is it really that easy to brush off the "itchy" feeling of wanting to know what others think of us? Who doesn't want to be praised? Or even opinions given that maybe some improvement could be made instead of just being ignorant?
Worst would be when left alone and not knowing where you've erred, if you even did. Also, let say when others do or say some things to you but you often had to take it in stride and keep any hurt inside but when done similar to others quite just once in a blue moon, you'll get reprimanded. Isn't it quite ridiculous? What is equality?
If people appreciated others instead when you tried to please them, it'll be hurtful. Would you then still have the energy to go on pleasing? Another would be when said that you didn't do much to please them. In as much as you want to go on pleasing, you probably can't and would think if you deserved the treatment given. Well, if the people really mean a lot to you, i guess you'll have to once again swallow it and continue.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. How true is this? Humanly, our mind is created to respond to feelings and feelings do come in verbal forms. Would it be greater to have no feelings so as not to be susceptible to such 'pain' and forfeit being able to enjoy happiness? For Christians, take heart that our Lord Jesus went through similarly, and He remained silently as a sheep brought to its shearers. Look to God for strength, read James 1, and count it all joy when faced with trials.
Labels: who am i?
Sunday, 28 January 2007
hey there people!!! back from my exodus out of blog world..seldom blog anyway..
Been away for 3 months!! the previous entry wasn't from me though but thanks for the announcement of a NEW BLOG LAYOUT!! k...here's the missing part of last year... December period was exhilarating!! Fun after the A' Levels..definitely feels great to enjoy after exams..at least to take time off and not think of any possible results for a while..and yes..had a surprise birthday party during november which was funny and exciting..
Christmas season was great..thinking of His coming into this world to save us from our sins though we're not worthy..were it not for grace.. hmm..oh and now january, working at SIA Engineering Company..but..erm..it's just an administrative job.
haha..kk that's all.. adios amigo!!
Friday, 26 January 2007
hey i've got a new blog layout!!! haha.
Sunday, 13 August 2006
You are my first love, for You loved me from the start.
You draw me near with cords of everlasting love.
All that i have i give away to follow You.
I can't imagine having life without You.
When all these worldly battles seem to never cease,
You simply lift me up and rest me in Your peace.
I heard some people say You're only in my mind.
I pray that someday You'll choose to find them.
All other loves will slowly fade like dying flames.
Tomorrow, now and yesterday You're still the same.
I wait with longing heart to see You come again.
Your sweet and tender love will never, never end.
Wednesday, 5 July 2006
Missing in action for a super duper long time!! Now i'm back!! Glad now cos my mid-year exam just ended..wait a min..the disastrous part is yet to come!! i'll be dreading results day..urgh!! well..guess i really have to study harder..all these studying really seems to burn away my brain cells and deterioate my already lagging brain!! hmm..wish i was a genius!! The road is still long..can't wait for the big A to past..at least thank God for allowing me to survive this far.. hmm..i guess i juz hav to persevere..like i have a choice!! well...at least im not alone :) right! hmm..for now i need to rest my brain..& start mugging soon..sigh..save me somebody!!
Sunday, 11 June 2006
2nd week of holidayss are just over..meaning only 2 weeks left to study almost 2 yrs of A' Levels syllabus..urgh!! Gonna be mugging mad for nxt 2 weeks..or at least i hope to..someone help me!!
This week was eventful..many ..i remember from last week's morning ministry that it's not what's before the race but how you end it..
This week showed my weakness..though i may give others an impression that i can stand on my own..i guess we all have our weaknesses..
Besides feeling down..i felt i was a lousy person..often not doing things right or accomplishing anything great..i have low self-esteem..BUT i promised someone who helps me not to think i'm lousy anymore..*thanks for helping me through another low period of my life* =)
i'm sure, as the verse says..i can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me..
When you feel life's not right..when things doesn't go our ways, when all is like a mess & you feel like the worst person on earth..NEVER NEVER forget that there's someone up in heaven looking after you..you question that God allows suffering & assume that He doesn't care..but know this..
If He doesn't care why would He in the first place give His life for people like us? Also, there are other people around who cares..you may not know..but there are!! observe carefully the people who cares for you & you'll feel even more blessed.. so stay happy even through trials & temptations cos HE knowa what we need..& He blesses us with nice people around us =)